You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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