We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
