i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
