based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
ok first of all what the fuck
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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