he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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