Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
