I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
