I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
