God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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