That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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