Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
