dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
