do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
