I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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