i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
