Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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