So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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