When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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