I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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