Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
True college students do jello shots in the library
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
