According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
