six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
