i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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