Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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