I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
