U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
