puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
