last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
