she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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