You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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