I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
