So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
