halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
