Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
