after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
