where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
