Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
