I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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