Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
