fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
4 words: hood of his car
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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