she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
