i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Someone came in the potted fern
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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