Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
