do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
