Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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