Barsexuality is the new black.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm passing your future prison.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
