i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
