Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My ATM looks so different sober.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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