; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
