I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
